A (Mostly) True Sauna Story
It started out a sunny, beautiful Saturday afternoon out at the lake. The coolers were all loaded with hamburger, pickles, chips, cheese, ketchup, various kinds of pops, and one fruit snack for each child (they forgot the Lawry's seasoning for the hamburgers, but fortunately they found some buried deep in Grandma and Grandpa's cupboard!). After a while, the beautiful blue sky turned to gray, and the gray to black, and the rays of sunshine were replaced by drops of rain. The boaters and fishermen cleared off the water, and angrily stomped up to their cabins. The swimmers left the lake, people who were relaxing on their decks trudged inside, and the dreary drizzle continued, and continued, and continued, all afternoon, and into the evening. Many people commented as they peered out their windows, "another beautiful day at the lake, wrecked by the weather, once again!" Some were so depressed, they talked about selling their cabins.

Meanwhile, at Grandma and Grandpa's cabin, although the drizzle was coming down there too, the whole atmosphere was different. People were having a good time! The grand kids had stoked the woodstove in the sauna earlier in the day. When the rain came, Chip and Hack (one was a brother-in-law to the other, or vice versa) were relaxing on the benches in the wonderful, soothing steam of the sauna, with Grandma, another brother, and about 6 of the grand kids. After about 10 minutes of steam, and about 20 shouts to the grand kids to "close the door you're letting out all the steam!", they were nice and hot, so they ran out of the sauna and dove into the clear, refreshing water! The feeling of exhilaration they felt when they hit the 65 degree water was hard to describe, but it was wonderful! After they swam around for a bit, they started to get chilly, so they went back into the sauna for another bout.

After repeating this cycle about 3 or 4 times, Chip and Hack were by themselves in the sauna, so they could do some serious ragging on each other... "Hack, you're losing so much weight, pretty soon you're going to dry up and blow away! You should be able to really swing that golf club now." Chip said, trying to soften Hack up before he started laying into him.

"I've still got 10 pounds to lose. I figure if I keep taking 3-4 saunas a week, exercising, and eating less of my honey's delicious desserts, I'll be crushing that golf ball a long ways down the fairway. Then I'll start beating you regularly out on the course," Hack said, as he expertly flipped another dipper full of water onto the warm sauna rocks.

Through the cloud of soft steam, Chip said "aaaahhhhh...that feels good on my sore muscles.. So when do you think your team is going to give us some competition in the golf best ball tournament? You've tried 4 times and we've whupped you every time!"

"Best ball tournament! Listen here Chip, how many times do I have to tell you - golf is not a team sport?! I've trounced you the last 3 times I've played you! You were hitting long drives, but unfortunately for you, they were slicing 3 fairways over!" As if to emphasize the point, Hack threw 3 large dippers of water onto the rocks, generating a huge cloud of steam.

"Boy Hack, that steam sure does feel good doesn't it! You know I felt sorry for you after your devastating losses in the best ball tournaments. You're just wishing you could win that trophy from us! Besides, you can't keep your left arm straight on your back swing. I'll teach you the finer points of golf one of these days."

Hack's only response was a barely audible "aaaaaaahhhhhhhh, I can feel my sinuses clearing up already. What would we do without a sauna?..." He casually flipped another couple of well placed dippers of water onto the rocks, and smiled contentedly as the steam wafted over him.

At this point a good sauna and a good discussion on the abilities (or lack thereof) of each golfer was interrupted by a good 'ol fashioned holler from Hack's wife. Upon his return from the rain, Hack announced that he had a brilliant idea.

"Let's grill in our swimsuits. The kids are getting hungry."

"Great idea Hack! You're a lot smarter than most people think you look!"

So, as the rain poured down out of the dark gray skies, Hack and Chip stood out there in there swimsuits, chatting and laughing away, grilling the burgers and having a high 'ol time. Whenever they got cold, they would scurry down into the sauna again, warm up, get hot, and come back out into the beautiful rain! The neighbors looked out their windows through the raindrops, shook their heads in amazement, and wondered how it was that those crazy Finns could be enjoying themselves on such a dreary, dismal day.

[Editor's note: Hack and Chip's sauna lasted for over 2 hours, after which they both agreed heartily that it had been another beautiful afternoon out at the lake!]